Wednesday 23 October 2013

A dog in the bed

Completely off topic from my previous post but what the hell, i felt like sharing.
I like dogs.

I just want to make that perfectly clear before you read this and automatically assume that I hate dogs. 
I don’t…honestly. 
I have a dog. Well actually no, I tell a lie, what I have is a dog that belongs to my parents but has insisted upon attaching herself to me with zero provocation.
No bacon in the pockets or anything.
Perhaps it would be a good idea to mention now that this dog is particularly clever, she’s a 15 month old Collie cross Labrador and I adore her, but she is NOT my dog, she is most definitely my mother’s dog. Supposedly.                             
 Her attachment to me was pretty much instantaneous from the moment she arrived in the family abode, she followed me everywhere. A little bundle of black fur all paws and eyes and at first I found it sweet, adorable, even a little flattering. But then I started wondering (as I’m sure most people do when suddenly presented with unwarranted and unaccountable affection) why me? And once I started thinking about it in greater depth, none of the possible reasons for her attachment that I came up with were at all flattering, or adorable, or sweet.

Reason number one: Collie’s and Labrador’s are well known for being aid and guide dogs to the blind and the epileptic, they can also sense when someone is about to have a stroke, when there’s going to be an earthquake or when someone’s about to go into labour etc. so in short, being followed around by my new ‘pal’ feels something akin to being stalked by the grim reaper.

Reason number two: Do dogs look after the weakest in their pack the most? I’m not sure about this but my suspicions were triggered by the sorrowful and often pitying looks she gives me e.g. the time I threw her ball and it ended up in a bush that was behind me and her pitying and sorrowful looks lasted the entire twenty minutes it took for me to find said ball.                                                           
As I said, I don’t know if this is a bona fide doggy type fact but if they do in fact do this, then it is insulting and makes me feel as though I’ve been put on the special bus.

Reason number three: She feels most connected with me as she feels we are on a similar level intellectually – again, this is insulting.

Reason number four: Wherever I am there is likely to be food involved. 
True, but still...

Whatever the reason, it led to one of the worst night’s sleep I’ve ever had in my life. Last night, my parents went to bed and as usual she came into my room to chill with me for an hour before I went to bed at which point normally (after much discussion, bribery and foot-on-dogs-backside action) she goes back to her bed in my parent’s room.                                                                                 
Last night, this did not happen.
Last night she caught me when I was weak, vulnerable and tired from a stupid day at work. By the time I was ready for bed she was fast asleep and looked so cosy, I fooled myself that tonight it would be different from all the other hundreds of nights she’s slept in my bed and driven me round the proverbial bend. Tonight she would sleep right through the night I told myself, she would sleep on the corner of the bed and take up none of my space I told myself.
I was, in short, a fool.
As I write this now I feel even more of a fool for ever thinking this as she is currently laid across my body (acting as a sort of table for my laptop) and she has the hiccups. I didn’t even know that dogs could get hiccups but this one does. Maybe she’s some form of sub terrestrial dog, or has special dog DNA, or was made in a lab and is actually crossed between a Collie, a Labrador and a hiccup. 
But I digress. As I was saying last night, I caved.
Things started off pretty well, I kept to my side (the left hand side next to the wall) and she kept to her side (the other side). It took me half an hour longer to get to sleep then usual but I managed it. Things were going alright, I was asleep, dreaming inconsequential happy dreams but was rudely awoken by a claw that seemed to be attempting to rid my face of its skin. Once I’d established I wasn’t being mauled or attacked by some kind of bird of prey I discovered that what she wanted was a cuddle. So we had a cuddle. I fell back to sleep to which the dog took great offense and proceeded to lay on the full length of my body thus (I think) attempting to suffocate me. Once I’d regained the ability to breathe, she wanted to get under the covers – this was at about 1.30 am by the way – and she lay behind me with her nose on my shoulder, breathing somewhat noisily into my ear. Again, this was manageable.                         
Then she decided she wanted to be laid the other way so after much shuffling and burrowing, eventually we were topping and tailing. At which point she took it into her head that I might enjoy a foot bath. I did not. She also thought my entire bed and my right ankle and forearm might enjoy a wash. They did not. Why my ankle and forearm, I don’t know and received only a pitying look when I asked her.
Eventually the bathing stopped and the old ‘too hot, too cold’ routine started, basically meaning she gets under the covers for ten minutes then gets out and lays on top of them, then under, then on top, then under, then on top and so on and so forth. 
I can sleep through this for the most part, but what I don’t sleep through are her ‘doggy dreams’. You know the ones, the ones where their chasing something and their legs ‘run’. Which is great fun when their feet are at your back and is especially fun when they let out that sudden bark when their dream rabbit has just gotten away from them and you about shit yourself.                                                                                                                             
Anyhow, eventually she stopped this and I slept for maybe half an hour until with a huff, she got up and howled until I let her out of my room. When I eventually dragged myself from my now rather damp bed to open the door for her, I was met with a look of such disdain the like of which I’ve never known. 
As if I was somehow the duvet stealer!     


So what have I learnt? Well I’ve learnt that I’m about to be the victim of some kind of impending doom, I have the brain development of a dog and I make an awful bed companion.
 But what I know now is that this must stop, I must be firm, put down my foot (preferably the one without the ankle covered in canine saliva) and eschew this dog with a firm hand. I must regain my previous position as at least the third most senior member of the household and reaffirm to her that I am the leader and she is the follower.
Yes, I feel more empowered and in charge already but a lead has just been flung in my general direction. I think my reaffirming and regaining will have to wait until after my dog has dragged me out into the night in the middle of winter. 

Sunday 20 October 2013

Some like it hot...but you're hair doesn't

Hello again my little blogglets! 

Just wanted to give this a little mention.... 

Tresemme Heat Protection Styling Spray

It's the best heat protection spray I've ever used, you just spray it on damp hair and it leaves it all shiny shiny and smoothy smooth AND it lasts a crazy long time!
 I only ever use this when I'm blow drying my hair as I never straighten it, but I blow dry my hair every 1-2 days, I'm pretty liberal with this stuff and I'm STILL using the same bottle from the beginning of the year! 
I can't remember how much it was but I'm a bargain hunter so I doubt it was very much! 

So that's pretty much all I have to say on that one, if your looking for a better product then your current one, try this out and if you don't currently use anything on the heat protection front then DEFINITELY try this out - you need to protect your hair people!

xoxoxoxo

Raindrops on roses...

 Hello everyone!

I thought it might be a nice idea to share just a few of my favourite Beauty Products, Fashion Items, Books, Music and Films : )

Some of them are old reliable's that I've depended on for years and have never failed me and some of them are newbies I've just discovered recently but i love them all, so here we go!

 MAKE UP
First off, my face. the most important part, these are the lucky ones that made it through to my favourites list after years of trying out hundreds of different products, these are the best ones i've found so far and i wear them A LOT. 
Loreal Intense Lipstick in 375 Deep Rasberry

Loreal Telescopic Carbon Black Mascara 

Loreal True Match Powder C1 Rose Ivory

Rimmel Colour Sensation Lipstick in 530 Fatal Red

Bourjois Bronzing Powder

What i love about all of these products is that they last for ages and they dont cost the earth, which is great if (like me) you're on a budget!

FASHION
Fashion favourite of the moment is the little beauty 


Accessorize Textured Padlock Work Bag

It was literally love at first sight, i saw it from across the shop floor, it stared at me, i stared back, it was the last one left, someone else was about to pick it up, i elbowed them out of the way (they were okay, i checked)and the rest was history. 
What i love about this is its 'Alex Resistance'. Anyone who knows me knows that i can be a tad....how can i put this nicely...'heavy handed' with my bags. I drop them, i kick them under my desk, things explode in them. Its like a war zone in there!
i literally keep my entire life in them so little hand bags dont work for me, i'm also not keen on having to move my stuff from one bag to the other all the time so i need something that's gonna stick with me for a bit. i'm also incredibly choosy when it comes to handbags because i know its going to be a big investment, something that i'm going to take with me everywhere for the next 6 months or so, so i need to love it, like a parent, like a child, like a lipstick.
And i do, i love it like a lipstick. 

BOOKS
Next up, Books!  Now i know some of you might not be all that into books, so feel free to skip this bit, i wont be offended, promise! But i am the biggest lipstick obsessed book worm of them all so i found it incredibly difficult to choose just one favourite, but after much deliberation and discussion (with myself) there was only one bloke i could honestly name as favourite....though i'm not too sure how happy Mr Dickens would be at being called a 'bloke'...



Beware this book is not for the soft hearted and anything by Dickens is never easy to read, but he is, hands down the best author i've ever read. though if you've never read his stuff before then Oliver Twist is probably the best one to start off with. 


MUSIC


  
Need i say more? i hope not. This one was easy peasy, their my favourite band ever (or so far anyway though i am a tad fond of Rush) i may be a bit biased in this as we share a home city but the tone of this album is intoxicating (ooer!) the lyrics are clever and witty and what are we brits, if not clever and witty? P.S I'm seeing them live in a few weeks so expect to see a gargantuan sized post on that little adventure. (Cut to me hopping from one foot to the other in line outside the arena similar to Homer Simpson when waiting for beer or a doughnut)


FILMS




Before you say anything, yes i know this is not just ONE film, but i couldn't choose, so i cheated and chose my favourite director instead. The marvellous Quentin Tarantino. Though i think if i absolutely had to choose, my fave would probably be Reservoir Dogs. The bit with the ear is just classic. Tarantino fans will know what i'm talking about. 


So that, for now, is pretty much that, a mixture of my all time favourites and my favourites for the moment, if you've stuck with me this far you are an impressive and committed individual and I thank you but what are your favourites? your favourites on anything? Food, Clothes, Music, Perfumes, Photos...I want to know it all.

Thanks guys, Cheerio, Pip Pip, Toodle-oo etc etc

xoxoxoxoxoxox

Saturday 19 October 2013

Skin like a babies....wotsit...

So a tiny bit different from my previous post but just wanted to recommend this amazing little product, that one...over there...that way ------>

It's called Catastrophe Cosmetic by Lush and its absolutely amazing!

Now the 'sciency' bit! it contains Irish Moss Gel to soften your skin with Almond Oil to moisturise, Rose Absolute and Chamomile Essential Oil will reduce any redness and irritation and of course Blueberries, which as everyone knows are full of vitamins, minerals and are a hell of an anti oxidant!

Two things to be aware of before buying it is 1. you have to keep it in the fridge and 2. it has an expiry date so make sure you use all of it before it goes off! on the upside you only have to leave it on for about ten minutes, it's a total steal at only £5.95 and it leaves your skin all smoothy smooth and softie soft : )

And don't forget that Lush are all handmade, fair trade, anti testing on animals etc. so you'd be doing the world a favour too! now that's a hell of a cosmetic!

xxx


Stephen King's Misery

Now first off I'm going to ‘fess up, this may turn out to be a little biased, but I figured my first book related post should be a memorable one – so what better book to start off with then one of my all-time favourites?

Before I start (properly) let me get the only negative bit out of the way before the brown nosing begins.         
I don’t love ALL of King’s work. Now, don’t get me wrong I think all his ideas are fantastic, but for me, sometimes the prolonged narratives and over the top descriptions can be a bit much, and sometimes it feels as though by the time I've read that bit and gotten back to the story I've forgotten where we were and any emotions built up by the previous pages have deflated a little. But that’s it. Seriously. Complaint done, negativity out of the way. Onwards.

I'm sure most of you will either have seen the film or read the book before but for those of you who haven’t, here is a brief overview so that you’ll know what the hell I'm talking about: 

Paul Sheldon is the author of a best selling romance series who’s heroine goes by the name of Misery Chastain. Paul, desperate to get onto some real writing, kills off Misery in hope of writing something with a little more substance when he gets into a nasty car accident. He’s ‘rescued’ by Annie Wilkes, a ‘retired’ nurse with a vast amount if pain killers. She takes him to her home, a remote farm in the middle of nowhere, she sets his mangled legs but he remains crippled, bed ridden but safe. Until he finds out that Annie is his number one fan, a psychopath and more than a little unhappy at his killing off her favourite heroine.

I am absolutely fanatical about this book, I adore it, devour it and revel in it every time I pick it up, though I have to admit I was a little sceptical the first time I read it. I was one of those people who saw the film before they read the book (both of which I recommend btw) and thought the film was so immense that the book couldn't be better than that. Oh little child I was! Oh foolish naiveté!

Now the reason I was a little sceptical at first is simple, it’s hard to find a good thriller/horror novel.
Which are my favourite kind.
Tension, danger, anxiety are all hard things to get across when all you have is words on a page and your faith in the readers imagination to work with and in this book, King had made this even more difficult by setting almost the entire book in one small, sparse room. So how did he manage it? Well partly by, what I like to call ‘layering.’ He draws parallels between the pain Paul feels from his crippled legs with the waves of the sea crashing and receding and anyone who has read the book will know what I mean by ‘Africa’ and ‘Goddess’. Put simply, he brings things outside of the room, into it, through Paul’s mind. He handles the fear element effortlessly and is absolutely ruthless with you as a reader and with Paul Sheldon as a character.
The villain of the piece, Annie Wilkes, is completely realistic, terrifying in a child-like way and reminds you of every slightly odd, talking to themselves type person you've ever come across on the train, on the bus, on the street.
His ability to put you in the character’s body is astounding and makes it impossible for you to deny his narrative skills and versatility as a story teller. The ability to be a true narrative artist is a rare gift, the ability to make the reader want to know, need to know what happens next is a rare gift also, and King has these gifts by the bucket load.
The relentless stomach knotted tension you feel throughout this ENTIRE book is only heightened by the mixture of emotions (I'm not going to say which as it might give it away for those who don’t know the ending) you feel upon finishing it. I put this all down to the ‘this could happen to you’ factor.


So that is that, my first little piece about one of my favourite books, I wont bore you for too long as I like to keep things short and sweet – unless I really didn't like something in which case I have a slight tendency to rant! 
All I can say is this, READ IT/WATCH IT!! 
And for those who already have...thoughts? opinions?
 :  )
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Riding the wave...but only a tiny bit

So, I'm starting a blog. It could go well or it could go badly. Either way, I'm fairly certain it will go somewhere…though whether I’ll still be wherever the blog is when it’s gone badly is entirely debatable.
 Now, I know I lot of people would say “Look, just chill man! It’s a blog, what’s the worst that can happen? Who cares if it goes arse up? Go with the flow, ride the wave, surf the sea, Que Sera Sera” and so on and so forth. In part I agree, it’s just words on a screen after all. Will I die from a bad blog? I very much doubt it. Will I lose my job? That would entirely depend on whether I've thrown a heavy duty hole punch at my bosses head or not.  But that is a tad beside the point. 
See, I wish I was one of the ‘ride the wave’ crowd, but the truth is, I'm just not. No, I don’t care what people think about me (well maybe a tiny bit), but I care a lot what they think about my writing. Yes, as I said a moment ago, this is just words on a page, but words, to me, are incredibly important. A few paragraphs of inconsequential writing can tell the story of the person who wrote it, and to a technology avoiding, book obsessed, socially awkward, blogging novice, that is a tiny bit scary. Just a tiny bit…I'm only allowing myself that tiny bit.
 Anyway, I am here, I very much doubt that my blog will change the world, but I intend (in theory) for it to be interesting (hopefully.) This page will be filled with my likes and dislikes, from music, films, clothes and beauty products to pet peeves and daily annoyances. Such as the new beard craze that seems to be sweeping through the world of men. (Stop it boys.)
 However, my main passion is books and I intend to blog about them A LOT. I tend to be reading several different books at once to match my daily mood swings but I'm always looking for recommendations. Of any kind. If there’s a book, or magazine, or website or anything, that you love, share it with me, I’ll check it out and share back what I thought of it. Now I don’t know much about the music/book/film/beauty/fashion world except in that I know what I like. Hence (I hope you liked my use of the word ‘hence’ though I'm not particularly sure that I've used it correctly) anything that I write will be purely based on my opinion. Whatever that’s worth. 
So, that is pretty much that. My first blog. Am I scared? Only a tiny bit. For now, I am here for the duration. The time length of that duration will be entirely dependent on you guys (no pressure) if only one of you catches on, that will make it fun enough for me.
 So now, all that’s left to do is blog.
 Ride that wave. 
And panic... 
...But only a tiny bit.